Ready to get after it?
I distinctly remember the moment I realized I’d become an adult.
It was April 2005 in Amsterdam with one of my best friends. We’d been out doing our Amsterdam thing and realized that we wanted to just go back to the room and rest and hang out than go to a club or bar and get wasted.
And then Carolyn dug an O Magazine out of her backpack. We started reading the articles and talking about them, and I knew I was now an adult. A grown woman.
Once I finished my travels in Feb 2006 and had a permanent address again, the first thing I did was get a subscription to Oprah Magazine. And I devoured it each month, crawling into bed and savoring every article.
I grew up in a family where we always had a feeling of lack. Looking back we always had food to eat, clothes to wear, and had enough of what we needed. But the mindset of not having enough was there. You see, I lived in a bad neighborhood and went to a school in a better neighborhood with kids that had way more than I did but in reality I was doing just fine and better than a lot. Just didn’t feel like it at the time.
That loud voice always saying “I can’t afford it”, “That’s too expensive”, “I could never have that” was the underlying current when it came to spending money. It bled into all areas of my life and the guilt associated with spending money tormented me all the time. I still struggle with it but know that it is holding me back from living the life I want so I am working with other coaches to help me overcome.
I’m a big believer that we create our own realities so it’s no surprise that I always felt like I was just out of reach for what I wanted – my hopes, my dreams, my desires.
The crash of 2008 took us down in flames and I struggled to find work, the entertainment industry changed, we lived pay check to paycheck for years. We even got to the point of having a weekly meetings to figure out what else we could cut out of the budget so we could afford groceries and pay the utilities bills.
When I was 6 months pregnant we lost our house and have been working our way ever since.
Not being able to do anything fun and enjoy life for so long was soul crushing. No trips, no shopping, no eating out, no concerts, no movies, NADA. It was netflix and staying in. We even thought about dropping the $8 subscription but needed something fun to do.
I was undervalued at my job, worked super long hours, and just put one foot in front of the other to get through the day and hope that one day this constant stress would end. I knew there had to be more to life than just surviving and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Long story short, one day post baby, I see in my FB Newsfeed about this Beachbody coaching opportunity thing. Honestly I had no idea what it was all about. I just saw that we could earn a free family trip to Cancun and I was in. I devoured videos, trainings, blog posts, team calls – you name it. We were going on this trip.
I woke up at 5 am everyday and failed everyday. Made embarrassing posts. Didn’t ask enough questions. Forgot to follow up. But I kept at it. Learning each day and watching my business grow slowly and see that I was inspiring and helping others who were in turn inspiring and helping me heal and become a better person.
And now I watch as my business continues to reap the benefits of the compound effect and we can do fun things again.
Back to Oprah…. So a friend sent me a link to Oprah’s Soul Sessions this weekend. She is going to be in LOS ANGELES along with countless other mentors and people I admire. Even 6 mo ago I would have cringed at the expense, but I chose to empower myself, put in the work to grow a business, help others, dig deep and work through my $HIT (I am far from perfect and in fact quite human) so that I could change my life and get over my limiting beliefs. Still a work in progress.
I took out my credit card, didn’t even thing twice about the cost and bought a ticket to see Oprah. I didn’t need to ask permission. I did it because I earned the money and the expense wasn’t going to put us under and not have food for the week. And I wanted more than anything to go soak up the energy of this room and LEARN AND GROW!
It amazes me how empowering myself by cultivating discipline and consistency has changed my life so that I can again experience joy and melt away the financial stress that crushed my soul for so long.